This is where the title goes 
dumb stupid pissin around
Tuesday, Oct. 30, 2018   9:59 am

i do.

i get what i deserve.

im truly a terrible person- inside..nobody knows- and my pathetic life and loneliness is my penance.

thats not to say that shittier people dont have seemingly better lives..but inside they feel as shit as i do and they have to live with that. and thats worse than all the gold in the world is great.

i dont get to have love. be loved. give love. i dont get to discover my passion. find fulfillment.

i get to work a dead end job with 16 cents in my bank account (as is currently the case). i get to live with my aging mother and have overdue oil changes, rotting teeth, and alcohol addiction.

thats what i get.

i dont know exactly why though. its probably because inside im not very nice. pretty much everything i do has ulterior motives aimed at me getting whatever it is i want in that moment. i reckon that i am truly worse than most people and karmic points are real. and the universe knows. the universe is the only who can see me for what i am..

i keep leaving this up on my work computer. bad idea. done now. miserable as evverrr

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