this is the end my lonely friend
Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2013   1:17 am

this day was inevitable (was it?).

im going home. back to the place where i belong...

in 24 hours i will be sleeping (or drinking or fucking) away my last moments in new york.

extreme bittersweet. EXTREME.

im sick of being this lonely. i can handle lonliness-i went 4 years of being single and hardly coming close to a relationship. but this is an extreme lonely that i thought i could bear but i cant.

so, sun-kissed beaches, waiting 45 minutes for a bus, wishing i was somewhere else-here i come! but hear this, new york: i will be back. maybe to live-the more i think of the differences between here and my end-goal, california, the more i think i am more suited for the east coast.

ive so many memories. and in my triad i will appropriately recall as much as i can..appropriately? idk but ill leave it...

i want to get it all down on "paper" before im not here anymore and it slips faster and faster from my already forgetful mind.

lets start from the beginning and see where we go:

-my first time in the bronx-job interview-pelham parkway? ate at subway under the train
(okay, going in order not gwan happen)
-every emergency vehicle blasts a totally different siren
-the condom wrappers and beer cans and juice bottles filled with pee on my stairs
-central park west as the sun sets
-all the chantuers and chantueresses and violin and accordian and mariachi players all up in the subways
-the long dark trek from my front door to my bedroom
-the white cat with one blue and one green eye at alaska
-free food wednesdays at union
-soaking my feet at wa reading and writing
-walking it all, east to west
-bocceball
-walking through the blood lab section of lincoln hospital every week
-swiping my metrocard
-sweeping mamagyro
-refilling the dips
-3 story whole foods at union
-taking hobo baths at said whole foods
-"what planet are you from?" im from florida
-ghandi dressed as a clown at union
-stealing from whole foods and sharing
-stealing from whole foods and my purse breaking right after
-loosie for 1.25 smh
-egypt, china, spaz, spazz, shadow, plex, papo, boobie, joker, jazzy, beast, trouble, ty, bear, solomon, greg, gordo, princess (no princess!), little malia, keys, sid, joe, major (black miguel)..dammit ive already forgotten the names of the couple..and they knew me, liked me, looked out, fuck. the guy looked like shivers and she kept dying her meth head hair and she gave me a tampon-damn...
-checking email at every best buy and barnes and noble i could
-coney island thanksgiving day
-pool with eli dorny at the now defunct soho billiards
-applebees in times square doesnt have 2 for 1
-kris almost cried cuz i sent him to jersey then he was a fuckin peach
-nice guy emanuel blue eyes at chase by milanos gave me back so much money cuz he been there done that. thanks emanuel
-i got an eskicoat
-taking the d to the r to 53rd
-i said cubans are racist, dark ass cuban receptionist offended
-brown/black women white ass kids
-soda candy on lexington
-black guy, sombrero, starbucks, back and forth
-ace and louis
-crosswords at union
-hospital 2x!
-tony in my door telling me i should lose weight
-me telling tony i dont want to talk anymore
-mcdonalds bathroom 24/7
-kelcie motherfuckin beene at milanos
-reid in brooklyn
-offerdahls customer at mamagyro
-poppee
-robin at the noshow carnegie cigarbar
-tree on a car after sandy
-cab every day after sandy
-tied pantyhose (aka windsock) to fire escape for sandy
-girls nights with the neens
-sidney the cat whos a person
-oatmeal bars
-mort and pestling sunflower seeds
drunk buying meat wed never eat
-handwashing mamagyro shirts in her sink
-playing wii with matt and rachel watching
-leaving the how to make a toilet paper roll bowl on her computer
-ctown

did i mention bittersweet? this isnt even all. ill be adding more as it hits me...