i miss alices restaurant
Thursday, Nov. 22, 2012   5:39 pm

oh the crazy days. i dont write when i could. but could is crap and should is shit.

today. today was a day of many firsts...

my first thanksgiving in new york city.

my first thanksgiving away from the family in 8 years (i saw them last year briefly to go to winn dixie for them and we feasted on saturday).

my first thanksgiving at the beach (hilarious that its here of all places).

first time i blatantly lost money (a 20 buck bill).

it was a busy day..but i wasnt in a rush to get anywhere.

it was an expensive day..i somehow spent $45 on a $10 hat, newspaper, and cigarettes.

it was a lonely day...even though i was almost constantly SURROUNDED by people.

it was a long day..despite the fact i got home at 5pm.

it was a good day. even though ive been in a mixed mood throughout the duration.

i wish i had Just One person to be with. to talk to. to complain to. if i created an imaginary friend id look crazy. so heres the rundown of the day for my tomorrow's self.

woke at 630 this morning. full-heartedly contemplating not going. i finally convinced myself to fucking just do it. when ever else will i get this chance? next year not guaranteed us. i think i got there at like 730 and my eyes went straight to the balloons being given out and scheming on how to get one. but i got one for free! everyone did! that was a high point.

then i tried to find a settling spot while some triple cs settled in my stomach spot. no such luck. walked for a bit. went back to where i started and crunched in between people. slowly shifting to better spots and listening to annoying peoples dumb conversations. i dont know how i Stood there, with kids butts in my face and balloons hitting my head and people pretending to see their family member in the front shoving through, for an hour and half. and then it started. well, it didnt start for me til i saw the first thing i could see: a big balloon. it was the yellow macys stars. fuckin commercialism, but i Was soo happy to see them. my neck hurt from looking at the enormity of these balloons?! (especially after watching an informal longest-balloon-chain-race-thing between a couple people a dozen of feet from each other and only communicating by adding balloons to their balloon string thing. i do not know what to call it, but it was balloons tied to each other to extend to the heavens-that was suuuch a great passtime: watching this dude with his friends in front of me who had tied like 4 together brave moving through the masses to get to a girl whod been more successful at the same venture and together they joined forces and overtook the other like-minded bored person who had his own giant balloon snake-chain-thing going. ill draw a comic of it one day. but, it passed time and made me look way, way up.

the balloons werent as big as i thought theyd be. from what i could tell on tv. thats what i thought at first, but then i realized, i was on the border of central park. its the narrow streets, overshadowed by skyscrapers with tiny windows that make the balloons seem so huge. up close, with open space to one side, theyre not as big. not to say theyre not a fricking Sight to See! sooo cool. i was so excited. i couldnt help but make comments to the woman and her daughter in front of me. i had to share some with someone-anyone!

after the parade i walked thru central park..just strolling..following the masses. trying to formulate a t-day todo list...i had no clue what to do. even after the research i did yesterday and the ideas i had. so, i got on the d train. i then had the time to decide and the option to get off anywhere i was considering from uptown to brooklyn. i decided to just ride to coney island. see the beach on a cold, sunny day. and see what coneys like on a thanksgiving day.

it was cold. and had more people around than i thought would be. i found a cool blackish shell. my lucky thanksgiving shell. i went for a walk through a neighborhood. saw evidence of sandy that i had no clue of. it was bad. that nasty storm. i lost 20 bucks. then i got on the train and came home and started this.

not sure what to do with the rest of this holiday. its thanksgiving evening. this, right now, may be the loneliest ive ever felt. thank the lords that im on drugs and have alcohol. otherwise i may have taken pills to sleep. or not. i dont know. im lonely because i know Everyone is busy. which means they all have someone right now. i have people, but my people arent physical people right now. theyre memories and far away voices.

again, not sure what to do with the rest of today..definitely shouldnt go out and drink and waste money and be drunk and depressed. but ive got dxm in my system. doesnt make me wanna watch stuff. idk. happy thanksgiving. many more to come!