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Saturday, Jul. 07, 2012   3:13 am

TO:

[email protected]

Saturday, July 7, 2012 3:10 AM

do you remember when i got so mad at trying to hand wash my underwear i just threw shit around? i feel like that. i want to throw my fucking computer off the fire escape because it is sooo fucking slow and laggy...especially after using ninas mac in brooklyn and seeing how a computer should be. even as i type..nothing shows up then 3 words that i just typed appear. its so frustrating especially when im already frustrated an stressed as it is in ths moment. if i make a typo, i have to wait a minute for it to backspace. i dont know what to do. and its pissing me the fuck off. ive deleted as much crap as i can. from games to videos...not to mention..

i fucked up. im completely unprepared for living here. and fucked. im an alcoholic who doesnt know how to save money. so, with my last ten bucks, i went to the bar. its all my fault. theres no one to blame for my fuckups. and i feel like i dont even deserve to complain. but i have all this fear and stress pent up..idk what the fuck to do...i guess now that i have nothing i have no choice but to figure it out. but i dont know where to start and its scary. all night long ive been in this terrible place of just disappointment with myself.

i dont expcet you to say, its all right, youll be fine. i just appreciate the space to vent. even though you might not read this right away. love you. thank you.