ITSO KAY
Friday, Feb. 03, 2012   11:14 am

im such a negative nelly sometimes. these diaries..all i do is complain and wallow. i complain about how lonely and unlovable i am.

maybe i go thru moods..phases. but that stuff isnt true. logical jordan knows that. the friends i have LOVE me. they really do. john, michelle, glen-sometimes. i AM lovable. i am a fucking awesome person. i just make bad relationship decisions. if only i could be this reasonable all the time.

oh well. at least ill have this entry to show as proof that im not always a one-man pity party..usually, but not always...

im jobless right now. its been 3 weeks today. its crazy. im scared but optimistic. whatever new job i get will be a new chapter. a new place where i spend a chunk of my life. a new cast of characters to laugh with and pine for. and if i dont get one, at least ive got unemployment on the way. silver linings, friends.

it has been nice to not have anything to do every day. of course i do my job searching, but i can see my apartment from the starbucks i do all my work from..so its cool.

oh man. birthday is this weekend. i think nothing of it really. i do love a good party, but parties dont seem to be the thing anymore. and the people..arent really around or compatible with each other. but im not too worried. though i am about to be 26. that is so crazysauce. i always wondered what 25 year old me would look like, act like, wear her hair. now i know. strange thing, aging. its something that happens but doesnt. i dont really feel older than anything. sometimes i feel younger, actually. but i am older. when i look at michelle whos still 21...that was a completely different world for me then. house in hallandale, dating miguel, big cokehead, convergys, alex..all of that is completely gone. so far away. crazy.

im looking for something to fill my time besides hating myself, job search, imran..im gonna try out for the vagina monologues. idk what trying out entails, but ima do it. or at least help promote. idk. i wanna do something.

oy. im sitting at starbucks with my computer and bag and notebook and drink and i really have to use the bathroom. im trying to weigh out if its worth losing my corner and outlet over. ive already been holding it for like 30 minutes...and id really like to go home to go..but i gotta wait for glen to come up this way to gimme my lighter. okay, now im just typing because i like how it feels on me fingertips.

jordan out