haiti
Friday, Jan. 15, 2010   12:33 am

tuesday at 5pm there was a massive earthquake whose epicenter was a mere 7 miles from the capital of haiti.

the destruction is unspeakable. the damage costs, the casualty counts.

ive never truly cared about disasters like this around the world.

when the tsunami hit sri lanka mostly all i thought about was seeing it or riding atop a car and surviving it.

pretty much the same with katrina.

both of those, to me, seemed almost like theyd have been fun to have experienced first person.

same with all other natural disasters-tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanoes...

this thing in haiti...completely changed me. i cant imagine. dead children lining the streets. breathing in the smell of their rotting flesh. their parents having no idea theyre there..dead. thats not fun.

everywhere you walk is blood, crumbled buildings, bumpy sheets on the ground. no electricity, food, water. and i understand that this is nothing new when it comes to these situations. but haiti is a land that is constantly kicked in the balls. with little to no let up.

4 hurricanes in a season. political unrest. droughts. on top of just being crazy poor to start.

i doubt that im getting everything across that ive been feeling. but i feel so strongly. tears come instantly.

i want to help. im going to help. i want to go there.

i feel so guilty for sitting her in my home with my clean clothes, computer, chips and pizza, cell phone, family...thats why ive been glued to the news. so that i can feel at least a fraction of a percent of the anguish and deperation and sadness and fear and loss that those millions of people are living.

i dont see rebuilding. they had next to nothing to start with, as a people. now all i can imagine is abandonment. like the mayans. pack up and go somewhere else. its better to start over with a new government, land, plan. im not trying to be negative about it i just cant foresee any sort of recovery of the state capital.

i want to go there. i mean it. perhaps after drug court and before new york ill go there. enough time will have passed for a lot of the life or death issues to pass but theres going to be years of work ahead just like in new orleans. although that place is still-4 years later-nearly back to the way it was. i will help children with no parents. i will help build homes and buildings. i will help plant crops. anything i can do. im not sure what is needed. crying here on my couch watching cnn doesnt help.

i just feel so much for those people. who are simply trying to live their modest lives in peace. they dont get any. its not fair. if i prayed id pray for them. but id like to do more than pray. i want to be the answer to so many peoples prayers.