close to it
Friday, Oct. 02, 2009   2:40 am

its so easy.

to live the day to day.

just living.

no questions.

its life...

eventually....its like....now what???

i think now is eventually.

inevitably...

now what??

there are so few intangible thoughts in my mind.

there are so few plans.

so few hopes.

few wants.

for the first time in my life.

this seems like contentment.

but its not. its disappointment. do not get it confused.

im enough.

theres a lot inside of me that i cannot bring to the surface.

and the things i think i can tap into are so much more shallow than i would like to think they are.

what do i do?

deal?

its what ive done and can continue to do. but its no sort of solace.

ok. drink. get wasted. forget the night.

then what?

life.

im hurting. ive no friends who can help. no specialists who can specialize.

i love my family but i do not show it. i treat them all like the shit i scoop from the litter box. it gets tossed and forgotten.

im very sad. no body understands. but im not really asking for that. just a release