long night short thoughts
Friday, Sept. 25, 2009   1:23 am

i love my life. cant complain too much..

who am i to bitch about the ill effects of prozac? but if i can differentiate between the effects of the drug and the thoughts in my mind then...im still okay...

ive felt pretty fucking underrated my whole life...

no. wrong...not underrated. thats a little...extreme and egoist.

i feel ive been misunderstood for a long time.

its not all their faults. thats a helluva load for me to put on people...

maybe i dont speak up loud enough. i know i dont. but i speak.

my place in this group...and ones before it...has been that of a mediator. i am a giant hand in plans...im a duct for vents....im the person they all come to for anything-advice, help with work, money, homes...

whoa. maybe i make myself too available.

but thats not going to stop. that would make me...

thatd make me less of a human than i already believe myself to be.

i cant help to help. and, more than that, i cant help but be needed/wanted for help.

as with probably any human, help assists in building up some sort of self concept, self identitiy, or self-esteem.

*** **** ****

i forgot what i was on there..but its been an hour of discussion with mich and i learned lots...

ok..an hour later i must finally call this shit quits..