party in my pants and everyones invited
Friday, Jul. 03, 2009   4:30 pm

another 4th of july coming round.

i love 4ths.

migs invited me to orlando. were going to wet n wild. ive never been and i actually dont think ive been to a water park since i was 6.

do the math.
(17 years-ish)

so it should be fun. i hope its sunny but ill have a good time regardless.

the only downside...well, one of the two....

im probably at my heaviest weight ever. i am so insecure about myself currently that i skipped a girls night last week with michelle, gabby, alex, regla, and jenna. because im constantly comparing myself to other women and putting myself down next to them.

soooo.....being in a bathing suit all day at a water park around girls in any better shape than me and sitting on slides (tummy rolls=vomit)-just this thought-is a source of anxiety for me. if its too bad ill keep my shirt on. but here i thought id gotten over that. im going to do my best to fake extreme confidence. ive seen overweight people walk around like supermodels in their skivvies...so, i can do it (or ill go waaaasted).

so thats one..heres two...

im sharing a hotel room with like migs whole family. what if we get drunk tonight or tomorrow and wanna cuddle?? or make out? i guess we cant. and i snore like a mad cow. ? its embarrassing even though i am asleep during it. idk. well see...maybe ill get my own room???

but im stoked. water park for the first time and then downtown disney for whats probably going to be the best fireworks experience ever besides the show i saw at the magic kingdom. disney knows how to rock the explosives.

im starving myself so that this weight anxiety becomes a non-issue. 3 days and ive eaten very little. its exciting. and ive been exerting a little extra energy than usual working at the warehouse...so....

i know my last entry was all about nostalgia and today not being as good as yesterday..but i think ill revel a little in the good things in my life right now. for once.