fate, help, not coincidence
Wednesday, Jun. 24, 2009   8:01 am

sometimes, i feel like such a massive failure. like, i can do no right.

im sure many also feel that way often. but, i feel it now. its terrible. but i know it doesnt really matter because this failure is material and im made for much more.

i thought i only overdrafted once. turns out it was like 3 times with several fees-so i am $127 in the hole. its embarrasing. i wont even tell anyone about it. and ill stay hermited in my living room for two weeks. so as not to squander what little money i do have.

but what do i do with my money anyhow?? only things i shouldnt-drink and eat. thats it. and maybe buy clothes, but thats just because ive gotten so fat from the former that i need new ones.

so, like i said-its all material. ill be okay.

i am meant for more. i feel it inside my bones on a daily basis. i believe things are meant to happen and that things happen for me.

for examp: yesterday i barely had enough money to take one bus the courthouse and one home. and thats the very last of my money. it was a disgusting feeling knowing that id be spending my very last quarter. then i get on the bus-the money taker is out of order. free ride. wtf is that? fate? a little help from mother nature? or someone else?

i think the idea that it was fate is beautiful-especially if it leads me to using that last $1.25 and meeting my soulmate that way-but its scaring me.

if yesterday was the result of an act of fate...then that means this is all predecided. theres already a path that lays ahead of me for me. and that even if i were to stray...well, i was meant to stray. "they" knew id "stray" which actually was staying on the path. so, what charge am i in of my destiny? but i suppose we can allow ourselves to just believe were in charge-how do we know?

otherwise...it may not have been fate but an active push from the energies in this universe. to help me. because they perhaps understood that that money will come in handy. or they just look out for me.

one might call it a coincidence, but sorry-i dont believe in those.

i believe im meant for something and that that yesterday may have been a simple reminder that ill be okay.