fight the good fight
Monday, Jun. 08, 2009   8:33 am

i havent written in what could be portrayed as eons. at least, by me-for me-it is...

its because for the last few weeks (possibly months) my mind has been a puddly mess of gobbledy gook. i havent known anything let alone how to write.

ive had nothing to write about. my mind was blank. dead.

every day was the same-drug court.

every night was the same-getting drunk at a park or beach or someones house.

but like i said last entry, i dont want to be doing this same goddamn thing the rest of my life. and im not-i wont.

its only been a weekend and a couple of days, but ive answered no phone calls or texts. i think they get the picture. or are starting to. like magic eye.

im just dragging myself down a little further every time i hang out with those people. and i dont need to. i like my family. i enjoy time at home. and if i want to go out...well, i havent crossed that bridge yet. but ill handle it.

just want to be who i am. and ive felt kind of stifled these last few months or years or however long. isnt it sad that i dont even kno how long?

who am i? what do i want? what do i need?

this guy...with a degree from brown?...says i need college and a boyfriend. if only it were that easy. but, im getting there. by getting through this.

ill be okay. i know that and need no assurance or to keep chasing my weaknesses with the wrong crowd. id rather fight to be with my strengths.