rambleberry blossom
Tuesday, Mar. 10, 2009   7:50 am

im going to write while i can...not that i have much to say...

my time in santa fe is passing. not fast. not slow. not as a blur. not in an explosion of excitement. simply, passing.

not sure what i expected.

thats a lie.

i expected people here to be as lost as at home. to want to wallow in alcohol and drugs as consistently as possible.

i expected to be caught in the middle of a giant crowd and shaking hands with everyone around me.

i expected less pretentiosness (tho, in retrospect, that was dumb). i expected more respect for average joe.

but how can you respect what you dont understand?

how can you be lost and want to wallow fresh-faced and bushy-tailed out of college with a degree and parents supporting you?

how can you have a giant crowd in a one horse town such as this?

you cant. you cant. you cant. i shoudve known better. not that its all terrible-or even any of it. the mountains are breathtaking. every now and then a cottontailed rabbit darts across something. and...

and...

and this is probably my last trip to santa fe. 3rd time is the charm. or at least the final realization that i dont belong here.

its too old, slow, and small. despite being considered "new".

as far as job corps...damn. how am i going to do it? as it is im dying to go home kinda and i know some people here. in the corps i will kno no one in a strange land and with very few freedoms.

but i must bear it (no grinning necessary). ive never done anything i dont really want to do. but this (assuming i dont want to do it once im there) i must. i can do it. and let it take me someplace better than im on track to take myself to.

its coming soon. im excited. when i get home i will straighten up my life better and get ready to leave for good.