one left out of the cuckoo's nest
Sunday, Mar. 08, 2009   5:00 am

isnt it annoying when you think you know something and, in reality, you know jack? jack shit?

yes.

or when you have a crystal clear picture of something in your mind (i.e.: a plan, an expectation, an idea of what youd like to happen) and life resembles not even a pixel of that...

but then...after being alive for this long (23 years) wouldnt one be able to avoid potholes like those above? or wouldnt one think one could?

yes.

and, yet, no. i havent conquered this yet. every day i think i have and then when i am let down im like, whoa-i didnt see that coming...

its naivete and denial. all wrapped up so tightly together that they cannot be differentiated or distinguished. hand in hand.

anyway...im no exception...

i expected this santa fe to resemble the one i left in 2005. i expected more similarities than contrasts. but its the opposite. its crazy how out of place i feel here.

the people here have parents-not just one. they wear uggs and have apartments with no roommates and no jobs. they listen to music that i have no way of knowing...and no time to find.

their way of life is noticably slower than mine. they prefer beer to liquor and require a d.d. for every night out. if four people are in a car, then four people have their seatbelts on before the car pulls out from anywhere...thats all prolly safer and more logical than the way home does it but it lacks any edge, fun, danger, unpredictablility.

they are nice people (despite the snobbishness they seem to be oblivious to). but for all of their free hearts, minds, and souls i dont feel i could ever be comfortable with my true self in their presences.

from today on i am going to have to fight to grin and bear it and to take in every second of being across the county. i will be stuck in georgia in a matter of weeks-unable to escape for months at a time. im lucky. i know it.

just not as lucky as the post-grads living in santa fe for no good reason.