the steps
Friday, Nov. 07, 2008   10:15 pm

i think im going through stages. or phases.

like the 5 stages of emotion or something you go through when you find out youre going to die-sadness, denial, anger, something, and acceptance.

quitting my job is having some sort of effect like that on me.

at first...it hadnt truly sunk in.i was angry. at my boss. at myself. at the world for not knowing and not caring..then, all i could do was frown-for my loss. the brevity of what id actually done hit me like a ton of shits (i quit my job without a backup, i left my household with no income, etc.). and today, more than ever, acceptance. i spoke with bob and told him to get me my vacation pay asap.

that finalized it. im scared. and stupid. my mom told me i should have just left for the day. maybe i should have. but, maybe in that moment of anger, sadness, frustration, and anxiety that was never an option and then in a matter of three stairs it was over.

ill be okay. no one has told me that yet. why do i need someone else to tell me that? i can say it.

but it doesnt feel as good. its a lot harder to console yourself. but i havent cried-save a tear that just leaked accidentally. and i wont. im too strong. and thus, i can console myself. i need no one.

okay, i need my mother.

but...dont tell her that.