konstantine frantasy
Saturday, Oct. 25, 2008   2:11 am

this is my life diary.

life has been wierd lately.

before lately, it was so wierd i coulndt write.

but, now, i think i have a grasp on things.

its wierd to realize that you dont have a grasp on anything.

that anything can happen without your permission. you have no say. i have no say.

im becoming, slowly, a different person.

i think im growing up. and i realize it. but when i realize it, i regress.

and i feel bad. when things are going a certain way, i get an impulse to rebel.

i find rebellion as a way to cope. and to cope, i need rebellion.

no one understands me. i dont explain myself to anyone. no one asks. damn catxh 22.

spelling errors are okey. okay.

sometimes.

my heart is really heavy. no one notices. no one asks. i dont ask anyone to ask. and after that i dont care if anyone asks.

something hurts. bad. i cant describe it. i cant fight it. i cant make it stop.

a perpetual pain. a perpetual intangible pain. there are no words to describe it and there are no ways to escape it.

tonight i let a lor of myself go. i let a lot of myself go. wherever it wanted to go.

yet, at the end, im alone.

im always alone.

its not self pity. its realism. its my life. i dont have time to romanticize.

i barely have time to realize.

yet...it makes me cry all the same...