good vs. evil part I
Sunday, Dec. 16, 2007   12:52 am

my entire teenage-adult life has been a fight. a quarrel. a tug-of-war. of the two most basic subjects a single person throughout his entire life struggles with.

good vs. evil.

i tell myself (at least once daily) that i am a bad person. deciding what i am (good or evil) has plagued my mind for as long as i can remember.

i like to think of myself as good. for the most part, i think there is good in everyone. every person's soul is salvageable. potentially good. its very difficult to believe that a person can be bad. can be pure badness.

i dont lie. i despise a lie. though, i do tell white ones to protect myself and the things i feel need protecting. but, if a lie can help how can it be bad? because it is not the truth. its difficult for me to twist a truth to manipulate it into an untruth. which is why i try not to. i believe enough in myself to know that i dont need to lie. my truth suffices and is a lot easier to deal with or clean up. i mean, its the truth. i feel terrible lying. but i do it. to protect myself and those i feel need protecting. but that makes me feel like a bad person.

but i know i am a good one. a good person. the other day a customer was coming to pick up a catering order. over the phone she mentioned she may not have enough for the meters to pick up the food. but, before she showed up i put a couple quarters in my pocket from my purse-in case shed need them. she didnt of course, but in the action of planning ahead for the convenience of another, i felt proud. thats part of my good.

ive no time. thank you for not smoking