wibble wobble
Wednesday, Aug. 08, 2007   8:58 am

20 days ago (the last entry) i was in a rut. a horrible, self-deprecating, confused, scared rut.

today, i am still in a rut-but something about it makes it easier to handle now that im out of owens bed.

i ran home to mommy about a week ago. i hate myself for doing it. but i felt i had to. and today, i dont regret it. how could i regret leaving an unhappy home? where i was called gross? i could never.

it sucks-living with her again. it sucks even more because now i dont pay any bills and thus, have no say in anything. i am her bitch and she is free to be a bitch to me. i live on a mattress in the living room. no, i dont live in the living room-just the space the mattress provides. its hard. no dressers. i live out of my bag and laundry baskets. no room of my own to get dressed in in the mornings. no place to cry in the dark. i cried in the street last night.

this is very hard. but im trying. im right now at this place in oakland park where they give you job skills and then find you a job. i dont think i need the job skills-but i do need the job. so i come up here everyday and swallow the information they force upon me.

i have no food. no cigarettes. no money. it is hard. but, i will wait and hope and try. meh. im tragically...tragically...im just tragic.

ah, self-pity. never gets old.