time to get freaky
Monday, Apr. 23, 2007   8:21 am

im an idiot. a big, fat, stupid, ugly idiot.

i left open an entry from monstrathart apparently. and the worst person possible just so happened to have stumbled upon it. of course, the entry was about owen. and, of course, miguel found it and read it. and now he hates me and anyone associated with me. or something.

he makes me mad. mad because hes being an asshole to me-well, in the 2 encounters weve had in the last week. and thats not cool. i didnt do anything on purpose. and, if hes mad because he didnt know about owen then thats dumb. why would i have told him anything?? what was there to tell? that i have a monstrous crush on someone? no. i wouldnt do that. and i have to move on eventually. what did he expect?

well, whatever. hes upset and im now outcasted. hes making the people around him unhappy as well as himself and me. i cant go over there without some bit of uncomfortableness. or uncomfortability. or whatever. and i dont want that. to be somewhere im not comfortable. or welcomed.

and this may be adding to my owen-craziness. i cant go to the house. which means my days are spent at home. in bed. bored. knowing that owen is less than 2 miles from me at all times-usually only half a mile. and i cant do anything. i cant go up and see him. i cant escape to the end of the county. i cant do anything. im stuck. and miserable.

im always miserable. and no one seems to care. i guess ive done it to myself then. i guess. i just want this crap to be over. i want miguel to suck it up and be my friend. and i want owen to fucking decide if he wants me or not. ill take it either way-i have no choice. im stuck. no choices. no moves i can make to do anything. thats how i feel anyway.

but what does it matter how i feel? if im really sorry. if i really like owen. it doesnt matter to anyone. i should go on a bored, angry, rebellious streak. i dont even know if i know how anymore! i gotta get my groove back and stop caring even more about anyone.