tell-tale heart
Tuesday, Apr. 17, 2007   7:39 am

whenever i really like someone, i know it. there are true signs. well, at least one. i do something very stupid early on and then regret it and think about it and prepare for the worst.

with hector, when we got off the phone after our very first phone talking i felt so horrible and pessimistic. i knew that somehow in the short time wed been on the phone that i ruined all hopes of ever being with him. my heart hurt. i cried like crazy because i just knew. for some crazy reason-he didnt hate me. or never want to talk to me again. i got lucky.

well, i feel like i somehow screwed things up with owen. ah, i love typing his name even. we had been texting. i was high. after some confusing texts about his sign (a cancer) and his age, i said youre young...goodnight. no response. i dont know how that could have ruined everything, really. but i feel like it did. because i got no response. is that mean? like, i hope he didnt think i was blowing him off. hes not young though, hes a 1 1/2 years older than me. i was expecting him to tell me im younger. nothing. it sucked. it hurt. im scared.

we had talked earlier on the phone and he was at his friends house who, apparently, lives about 4 houses down from me. we were so close to each other the whole night. i wanted to see him. but after that last text, i am afraid i never will again.

hopefully it isnt that serious, but i feel like i offended him? hopefully he just got high or drunk or allowed my goodnight to be the last word. idk.

why am i acting and thinking like im 16? hmm? anyone? idk. idk. idk. but, i think i feel the same about owen as i did about hector. i really do. and while that scares the pants off me, its also the most exciting thing to happen since-idk-sliced bread.

we are supposed to hang out tomorrow. prolly daytime. and i need ideas. all i can think of is imax or...no, thats it. paddle boats? idk. and everything sounds really dumb. i really dont know what to do with myself. with all this waiting and wondering and thinking going on. i need to see him and kiss him. that will calm me down, im sure.