to be continued...
Saturday, Apr. 14, 2007   2:38 am

i try to deny, avoid, forget about my worst, deepest, darkest feelings about myself. but, apparently, when you repress feelings they end up bottling up and filling the bottle and then exploding all over you face and white shirt.

its not that im at that point right now. but, its that those feelings are more at the front of my mind than they used to be. in the blind spot of my brain.

its hard. its scary. i find myself doing things that i never even had a chance to talk myself out of. drinking. every night of the week. leaving home as quickly as possible. i cant exactly explain it...but its all bad.

part of it is because im newly single. just getting my groove back or something . i want to do as much as possible and only have myself to answer to. i also have a surplus of free time. and anything to fill it ill take. any escape from my room and house and family.

i dont know.

idk if this affects my behavior or decisions, but a huge weight on my mind is lonliness. g2g...oy, life...