couldnt find my way out of a paper bag, i couldnt!
Monday, Jan. 29, 2007   3:02 pm

oy. im something.

i hate just being something, as i dont know exactly what that something is. i just know theres something.

for a couple weeks i thought that something was another baby growing inside me. but i think i was just hypochondriac-ing it. it may have had something to do with the kidney infection and idk...but for the most part that something has cleared up.

but, now im still left something. i dont even think that makes any sense. but...its all i can say.

i want to run away and start a new life. but it makes no sense in the really near future. and its going to require so much work to happen in the near distant or far distant future. but i want it. i need a change. NEED.

i dont feel very much these days. i spend all my time at work, with my amazing boyfriend (who i barely deserve), and trying to/getting fucked up. its such a miserable existence sometimes. im bored and a little empty.

writing this is pointless. i have so many of these pointless entries. i know what i want. and i know i cant have it. and that shoves me over into an incurable depression.

hAvE i MeNtIoNeD i HaTe MySeLf??????