oh shit-the spirits got me buzzed
Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006   8:35 am

oh christmas, what are you doing to me?

last night, after my love left, i decorated the tree with the fam.

i dont remember, but apparently im a genius and brought a fake tree home from winn-dixie last year. for free. i guess i was planning ahead for this year. and mommy reminded me it was in her closet. so, i showered while her and migs put it up.

and last night as a "family activity" (sooo gay-and i dont like the word gay) we decorated. it was okay. and once we were done we turned all the lights off and sat there hypnotized by the christmas of it all.

and then, out of fucking nowhere, the singing started. or i guess-since its christmastime-its called caroling. gosh, i feel stupid just writing this to myself...we went through them all. the three of us singing. we knew all the words to very few, but we knew the beginning to most:
rudolph
frosty
joy to the world
we wish you a merry christmas
silent night
12 days of christmas
jingle bells
o christmas tree
ill be home for christmas
grandma got run over by a reindeer
i saw mommy kissing santa claus

i dont know-whatever songs have the word christmas in them we were all over them like my brother drinking eggnog. (god! its fucking pointless bringing the nog into the house because its gone by the next time i look in the fridge.) and at first i felt so...cheesy? but eventually i completely forgot all inhibitions and the fact that anyone outside of my living room (with open windows) exists. it was, dare i say, nice.

in bed i realized that the best thing for my brother is attention. i mean, i knew that. we've never given him anywhere as much as he needs. we suck. but i didnt get how easy it was. how little was necessary to make him happy. we didnt have to play playstation with him. we didnt even have to watch him. we didnt have to read any of the stories hes written (though, we should). and we didnt have to have some ridiculous hypothetical conversation about who would win in real life-ness or kirby (my vote is for ness). i want to do it more. hes so much more agreeable when you sing with him. and since im trying to stay away from the crazy life in hallandale, i might as well hang out with him more.

i think its like homework. the more i anticipate it, the less im wont to do it. the more i put it off the more i hate the idea of being around him. but once i do it, its not bad at all. its weird. but, he needs me and if i care as much as i say i do, then yeah. and i do.

damn you christmas-bringing families together and stuff.