these people, of all people, dont deserve this long entry.
Monday, Dec. 11, 2006   9:00 am

i hate my friends. if thats what you can call these people. jesus. retards all of them, every last one. except, of course, me and migs. we're perfect.

okay. i stayed at his house from wednesday to saturday. saturday night was a girls night. dinner and drugs. god, so much drama i dont even know how to get it all out. dinner at chilis. we decided to run out. waiter was slow it was too easy.

or so we thought.

we run out and head to romans. on the way leah realizes she left her phone. our brains start pumping with plans. when we got to romans we found out chilis called someone there from leahs phone saying we need to come back and pay. so, we had ari call and say it was her phone and shed pick it up and pay the bill. oh, everyones statuses:
ari: coke, smoke, and tcs
matt: coke, smoke, and tcs
glen: tcs and zicam
migs: tcs, zicam, and smoke
shan: coke, smoke, tcs
roman: coke, tcs, smoke
me, alex, christine, leah: coke and smoke
anyone else: drunk

so, after lots of pointless talking and plan-making, matt, ari, and glen-driver-go to chilis. after a while ari calls saying matt and glen got arrested and they had to stay and wash dishes and she was driving glens (manual) car back. shannon started quietly getting stressed cuz of matt. he was tripping before he even left the house. glen was too a little. and if they got arrested-like, booked-they could be baker acted or who knows. while people (i was more sitting there planning to wait it all out) were trying to figure everything out as far as what to do, karlos, zoe, ricky and danny come in. being loud and drunk.

now, even though shannon and i arent really friends right now, i still know her. she doesnt like noise. she doesnt like drama. she doesnt like people. especially when its on her turf-like at her boyfriends house. especially when tcs are just kicking in. especially when shes coming down from coke. especially when shes just told her little brothers getting arrested. especially when its karlos and danny-they annoy her more than anyone for some reason. so, it was all a really bad combination. and no one seemed to understand that but me.

drunk, loud people. she decides she really doesnt want them there right then. which is okay and understandable. i tried to take on the role of guardian for her. leah went to tell ricky and zoe they should leave. and karlos was walking around doing things that were annoying. i dont remember it all, but one thing i do recall is him trying to go into the apartment johns bedroom connects to. the door was locked but karlos kept shaking the door knob. the other apt. belongs to johns friends parents. you cant go in there. and she told him to stop. and i told him more to stop also while trying to explain that shan really doesnt like that. why he wouldnt, i dont know. but eventually he left the room.

so, i goes into the kitchen later and hes talking to someone complaining that no one likes him and everyones mad at him. and whoever he was talking to-i dont recall-asked whos mad at him. and he shakes his head in my direction. i acknowledged it was me and left. a little later i asked him if me and the girls could go to the house to do coke. i only asked to cover my ass. to get permission on the "banned" drug. (its only banned when its convenient for him. more a power trip than genuinely not wanting it there. god! he pisses me off!) he says yes and asks if he can have some. i hesitated, but indicated yes. then we left to the house. and he went and had a drunken screaming match with someone outside.

about 5-10 minutes after we settled down in migs' room karlos comes barreling in. he just stands there. we all look up at him (he is 6'5 after all). then he says: you guys have to leave. and miguel is kicked out too. when i asked him why he says its cuz of 2 months of rent. but miguel had nothing to do with anything. that should have been dealt with soberly. he only did all this out of spite for me. at me. so, we gathered our things and went back to romans. poor migs. he was just sitting at johns tripping and karlos told him he had to move out. he didnt know why or anything. then, i guess karlos came to hallandale. its all so dumb.

but miguel slept at my house saturday night and went home last night. i dont know if he talked to karlos or not. i reckon he did. but im not calling because its karlos' phone. and i dont want to talk to him. he needs to apologize to me. no. i dont even care. i am so sick of dealing with his misplaced anger. he can suck it.

i am soo sick of this shit. saturday night when i got home i called kris to ask him to connect me with his dealer for a 20 since the guy lives 4 blocks from me and i was feening. hes mad because he thinks alex and glen stole some drugs from him and he let me have it and hung up on me. WTF?!?!!?!! i had not a goddamned thing to do with that. i called him back and his mood changed and we talked like best friends for 20 minutes.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!! these people are nuts. and i am tired of dealing with their mood swings. and their drama. shit. you never kno if theyre gonna be happy to see you or what. and if theyre not, you have no clue why. and if they do get angry at you about something, its not really about that-its about something theyve been repressing for months. example: karlos kicking miguel out. not about money. its about attention. he doesnt feel like hes getting enough. he feels like every one ignores him and doesnt care about him and thinks hes a bad person. this isnt me just making judgements. he said it. he said a lot of it the day he decided to throw an unopened bottle of beer in the kitchen and smashed it to smithereens. god! so stupid. these people dont know how to deal with their feelings. or how to treat other people. or how to empathize. or anything. i dont even know how they get dressed. its not just karlos-hes just on the top of my brain right now. and the others. theres way more than i want to write. just know, that i hate them and want these people to grow up.

its time for a people break. i cant take it anymore. the drugs arent worth it and thats all anyones about. if it were just me going ga-ga over drugs thatd be fine. but i cant be around a billion other people blinded by the white (and green and red and other colors of drugs). ahhh...wish the luck