some things gold can stay-right?
Monday, Nov. 13, 2006   9:43 am

i want to be happy. i want us to be happy. its hard though when im not really comfortable with myself.

i say i am. and when im by myself i feel i am. but you when it comes to him really touching me or really looking at me i wish hed just go away.

i love all of you, he says. every part of you, he says.

i want to believe him but i cant. who could love chubby arms? i cant even read the words i type because i hate them so much. and i think thats complicating things. he gets mad at me. at my insecurities. what??! im just supposed to give myself fully to him? and not care what he thinks? well, he says that he doesnt think anything bad. but i do! why cant he see that?!

i kno, i need to be more comfortable with myself. but, while i dont judge others that hard-i feel im being judged uber-hard on everything. like im that important.

but. we are good. besides all that. everythings good. just us. all that matters.