i wanna be happy
Wednesday, Nov. 08, 2006   2:15 pm

why is it fair?

why is it necessary for me to sacrifice my own happiness for someone elses? someone else whose happiness is only going to be temporary anywaya?

its not.

but i can see no other way. ive only been in their lives for a year. a year and 3 months. theyve been friends for 5, 6, 7 years. who am i? a girl. a bitch. a hoe. no one important. right?

thats how i feel. i feel like im not allowed to have happiness. i feel like im not allowed to be content. or ok. or allowed to smile-genuinely, not drunkenly.

goddammit kris. why are you doing this? i know its not that important. but me and shannon were best friends. weve been friends for the last 9 years. best friends for 6. now we arent. because of money. because of some dumb, tangible object we dont talk. havent talked for over two months. its so hard to not have my realest friend ever be a part of my life. ive distracted myself. ive found another best friend. ive even found a boyfriend. but no one will ever be shan. shanon. no one. and to kno that i caused that for someone else...it sucks. if it were a person who caused our rift. id be even sadder.

i just want to be happy.