say you will
Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2006   10:28 am

i have to not care. i pretty much dont.

it is a little hard, i must admit, to watch them together. but i think mostly because i miss that (the concept more than the person) and because that was once me wrapped in his arms. legs intertwined.

my extreme lonliness i think is the hardest part. i want to hang out with glen. i want to hang out with alex. shes like one of my best friends right now. i dont want to feel anymore burning in my chest. or resentment. they arent strong feelings, but they are present. i can fight them.

its hard. i want someone for me. i want to get over glen. i want to love someone. and i need them to love me.

but where do i find such a lad? england? no. i cant even seem to make it up to georgia to visit a friend let alone england to search for love.

fuck brits. i want an american.

or puerto rican. mostly just hector though.

ha! im pitiful. pathetic. why cant i get over things? why dont i have more things to distract me from things i cant seem to get over fast enough?

so many fucking questions. i am sick of being depressed. im sick of floating. im sick of everything. i want to run away. i want to run so far. start over.

but i know that even if i were to start over (again) id fuck up there (again).

ive lost my mind recently. i grabbed a hold of it, but its only barely within my reach. im losing it. i dont know how much longer. god. what is this whole thing about? i dont know.

i could go on forever. but why? no one cares. ew, god this pity party makes me a little nauseous. i dont think i can even spell nauseaosusdfusdjseiogfjd