disregard most everything-i walk a lonely road...
Saturday, Jan. 14, 2006   2:27 am

pardon me, i am on cocaine..i will bot be correcting typos-hence the b insterad of the n in not-or bot...

i like fred...

fred likes me.

i dont like fred-i just want him to like me...but i will make him think i am falling in love with him. i love to be touched-to feel loved-and he keeps teling me he cares about me. i believe it kinda...i believe nothing...

i use people and dont care...i tod-told myself years ago that i would stop caring that everey guy is the same and they all deserve to be treated the way thebad ones have treated me...its not true and i know that, but i have to protect myself. i dont want to-i just want to let go and not care and just open my heart...lately all i want to do is love someone and be loved...

but my caution towards the whole thing stops that from being able to happen. i justify it all by saying that this way i wont be hurt and all attahced..but deep down i get attached easily to everyone regardless what..

like fred, when were not texting each other-i feel epty-empty...lonely...so ijust need to stop fighting this all..

i have a half a miond-mind-to call him riht now-wake hime up...whatever..and ask if i can be his girlfriend...i just want someone to really want me...i have to stop being crazy...

i think i am-but not as much as others...

fred...i am going to call him...hehehe...

lifes okay-freddys in caanada? idk...i just dont have to see him for right now-which is kinda ice..nice...to not have to worry about him i think...vut..but we could be friends again one day...