no lobotomy necessary
Monday, Jul. 25, 2005   4:31 pm

i keep bitching (to myself) about how i just cant wait to start living my life.

it fucking hit me today...what the fuck am i doing right now if im not living my life? im not dead...this must be it..life. im alive. what am i waiting for? a party train? a high paying desk job? a car to fall in my lap? (couldnt be that-the weight would kill me instantly.)

and that scares me. this is it. this is it. this is it. its all happening. ive been gone from school now for two months-

feels like two years-

and the space between that time is only getting huger. huger isnt a word, but why do i care? i cant spend my energies focusing on what is or isnt a word. as long as i get the point acr---i dont need to explain myself...

im going crazy with insights and revelations. im rapidly becoming a new person. how new? i dont know. you never know until its done...its never done.

life and its anomalies. i dont even know what that means. but it sounded right.

many words i spout with nary a thought to what they really mean. they seem to fit into my sentences: thats all i care about.

i cant decide whether im finding new parts of me...or losing sane ones. living in one room with another person and the knowledge that there is no end in sight can be a bit destructive to ones state of mind...

...or is it constructive?

whos to say? i have no one to ask. i care for no ones opinion. who cares? i dont.

oh, the end is extremely fucking nigh.

nigh. another word im not 100% on the meaning of. i would like to think it means near. if it doesnt, dont tell me. burst my bubble you would.

ive flown over the cuckoos nest. let me go.

* anomaly