how do you spell shoot you in the fucking face?
Wednesday, Jul. 20, 2005   3:17 pm

i always want to be brutally honest. to myself. in here, im not always.

i was reading old stuff ive written and its uninhibited and my words are perfect. its real-me.

maybe its because by the time i get to the computer to record my feelings, ive already calmed, simmered a little.

maybe its because typing isnt the same as using a pen to put down my thoughts. i have more time to think with the keyboard-its easier to delete words and feelings.

maybe, deep, deep, very deep, down, i know that other people may be reading this. maybe i type for them. not for me. i dont know what to do about that-if that is the case.

id like to spout some brutal honesty today. but i have nothing to say. im empty is all.

my fingers are cramped from todays computer use and the 1:45 charlie and the chocolate factory at the imax was sold out and im a little upset.

thats it. oh, and i cant stop thinking about hector. i refuse to believe that we will never have another chance. and it hurts so much, because fuck what i believe, i know that its not going to happen.

so, every night when i think up another scenario in which he will gallantly appear back in my life, i get my heart broken all over again. every night.