i was the one worth leaving...
Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005   7:09 pm

i wrote a letter...i got one back..i wasnt sure i wanted one back.

but i think its good that i did...but the last 18 hours have been so hard. its like theres something i want to do, but theres nothing. theres nothing that can kill the butterflies. theres nothing that could stop the unwanted tears in the shower. and it sucked.

but, i wrote back, and i think im ok. always when somethings over-like standing up for a long time-im ok. i think: that wasnt so bad, what was i bitching about? so thats what i had to say to myself: time will pass and everything will hurt less; the sooner you realize that, the sooner the hurting less can start.

so, i realized it. one day, ill be able to smile at all of this-why fight everything so hard. take a deep breath. the world is still happening. nothing revolves around me and my little heartbreaks. the butterflies have slowed down. the more i give myself other things to think about (jeff, orlando, my brother) the more i kno that ill live.

but it does hurt and it is hard to just go on existing. im doing drugs tonight...