hopelessly devoted to no one
Monday, Feb. 28, 2005   5:54 pm

your first love is your greatest. i believe that.

i cant stop thinking about hector. while im spending hours and hours organizing and re-organizing the shoes at payless i make up scenarios in which he comes back into my life. i create these in-depth fantasies where we live happily ever after. each one totally different from the one before. the only similarity (besides the fact that he always professes his undying love for me) is that theyre so completely impossible.

i might be able to let me and him go if i had some closure on us. i dont. last time we talked-via email-he told me that i was the only person who understood him and he wished we could be together. that was over a year ago.

im so tempted to call his dad and ask how hes doing, but i think that would be a little wierd, if you consider the fact that its been 3 years since we were together.

so, im stuck like chuck. wondering what could have been. wishing he could be here or i could be there-where ever there is. and the hurting of not knowing is so much. its a lot to bear for so long. and theres no stopping it.