everythings shit and cadoodles...what? idk
Monday, Dec. 20, 2004   6:17 pm

heh..i dont remember writing that entry saturday night...oh well..

when my dad suggested yesterday that i come over, i thought that it was like, wednesday or something. he just wanted me to stay for christmas then i could be on my merry way.

little did i know that yesterday was sunday and christmas isnt until next freakin saturday. im here a whole week. id blow my brains out if i werent afraid of my dad bitching at me for getting blood on the carpet.

i think i only come to my dads to hurt people. that seems to be the trend at least.

i started coming here out of spite towards my mother. i wanted her to see that i love him and he loves me (although four years later i no longer believe that).

and i think this time around i was willing to come because of lee. he walkd around calling himself my father and me his daughter. subconsiously, i think i wanted to rub it in that im not his daughter. that his daughter died 10 years ago.

thats only subconsciously. on the outside i would never ever think things like that.

i want to not be here, but i have nowhere to go. my mom wants me with her-i cant stand to share that small hotel room with her. lee wants me with him-but im sick of being there. my dad wants me here-but he makes me wash my hands too much. i have nowhere to go.

i want to go to the beach. ive been back for over a week and have still yet to even see US1 let alone A1A. whoo hoo...go xmas break.