asia, my love
Sunday, Nov. 07, 2004   5:33 pm

it was really wierd. i dreamt about asia. my cat.

i gave her away to katrina's family when we were evicted last december. i think ive visited her maybe 5 times-at the most. i had her for 6 years.

i was slowly waking up. but i was still dreaming. i felt like she was waking me up like she used to. i could feel her walking up my bed to my pillow.

i could feel her face on mine. she was quietly telling me it was time to wake up. god i miss her.

i think when i did finally wake up, i expected to be able to reach down to my side and pet her. play with her tail. i wanted to so badly.

im so guilty about neglecting her-abandoning her-and i want her back so bad. but i cant have her. she isnt mine anymore.

i got her when i was 12. i begged and begged. i even cried once while watching animal planet. my mom told me to clean my room one day-we might be getting a cat. i was so excited that i actually listened to her. as i was cleaning i found my kitten under my bed. she was so tiny and so scared. but she was mine and i cant ever forget that day.

i feel so stupid for rambling on about this, but she was there with me for all those rough, suicidal teen years. shes a part of my life. i dont want to let go of her. i didnt know how much i missed her until i thought she was here with me and i realized she wasnt.

how sad.