i think i died last night.
Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004   4:37 pm

i thought i was going to die last night.

i wasnt scared though. i was totally accepting thinking, "okay, so this is how i am going to die.".

i was only on 14 triple c's. not the most ive been on. i was sitting there on xia's bed. i dont remember what i was thinking or what everyone else was doing. maybe we were watching the new "dawn of the dead". i dont know.

my brain felt tight. like something was squeezing it. it felt very heavy on the inside and i had absolutely no control over it. part of me was petrified because i have never gotten that feeling before. part of me though i was having a brain hemmorrhage. although i have no clue what that is. i thought thats what was goin down. it didnt hurt, but it was such a random happening...that it was definitely scary.

and now today, i am exhausted. i feel like i havent slept in 3 days. at any given point, if i put my head down, i know i could fall asleep. i came into work an hour late because i felt i needed that extra hour to nap. its really wierd. its like i pulled an all-nighter with melissa. im dead tired, but still somehow functioning...i even gave a campus tour today (yuck! i was horrible! as usual).

i dont know whats wrong with me. i am going to ask shannon if this happens to her. and ive been thinking more lately about taking 24 or something. 20 is the most ive had and that was more 16 and then 4, like 3 hours later, which i doubt made a difference.

whoo-hoo! im a druggie...dont remind me.