where were they going without ever knowing the way?
Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004   5:22 pm

my mom was staying with sandras cousin. i think she was there for maybe a week or two. some drama happened and a fear arose that there was going to be some inspection of the house.

so for the last 2 days i think my mom has been staying at a motel 6. she calls me today telling me she has to be out by noon and has nowhere to go. she was waiting to be picked up by sandras cousin and dropped off at one of the cousins friends houses.

sandras cousin never showed up. my mom called me and begged me to keep calling her cell to remind her to go get them. they sat in the hotel parking lot through todays sun and todays storm.

finally, sandra calls me. i tell her whats going on.

"i know.", she says. "my cousin isnt going to get your mom. shes ignoring calls from all numbers she doesnt know."

great. and i have to be the one to tell my mom this.

"sorry, mom. nobodys coming to get you. you dont have anywhere to go. you have no one to call. you are officially homeless."

this is just what i need 4 days before i make my move across the country. the knowledge that my family is homeless and there isnt a soul in the world who is wiling to help them.

im not saying the souls of the world are supposed to help them anymore, however. my mom is seemingly turning down jobs left and right. opportunity isnt just knocking on the door; its literally taking keys out of its pocket to unlock it for her and let itself in. which is what is making me so mad.

does she see the situation she has put them in? if i had to choose between raising my son in an unstable environment and going through a little trauma from getting on a bus-id choose the bus. this being homeless thing could completely jeopardize my brothers future. my mom has no future anymore. she should be living for him.

sigh.

im so scared for them. is it wrong for me to go to school? with them in this situation? i think it is. but, will i ever go to school if i stayed? christ! i leave in less than a week and im having fucking doubts! i have no clue what to do.

i wish florida had cliffs and i had a car.