mommy please
Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2004   11:30 pm

my mom is the only person that can make me cry like this. i hate her so much! i am so scared about going to new mexico-leaving my family. 5 weeks. i am so scared for them.

she refuses to get on a bus-thats the only way that she can get a fucking job! she doesnt understand that. her husband was shot to death on a bus. she witnessed it and was almost the 2nd victim. i understand that its difficult for her. it has to be-shed have to be the devil for it not to be. but with the situation she is currently in, she needs to do something. i just sat on the phone with her begging her to do something. everyone lectures her and puts her down for what shes not doing and for what she should be doing and she is so tired of it. i think she thinks that that is what im doing. but im not!

i want to help her. everyone else is just tired of helping her. they just want to get her off their backs. i just want to see my family settled. these people are my only family in the whole world. my mom and my brother. i dont know what to do! she doesnt want to hear anything from anyone right now. shes not a stupid woman. she gets all the answers on jeopardy-even final jeopardy. she knows the situation shes gotten herself into. she just cant figure a way to get out of it.

god mommy! i just want to help you. please let me help you. please. i love you. i know i dont say it to you anymore on the phone or whenever you say it to me. im sorry. i will. just let me help you! take the bus-please.

god i dont know what else to say. i wish i believed in god so he could help me. god this hurts. so bad..............i am so sad. i am sitting here at work crying after just fighting with her for 20 minutes. fdgjlejaogh tjgdjhl;er's]rylf