4th of boo-ly
Monday, Jul. 05, 2004   9:27 am

i slept 40 minutes to help me seperate today from yesterday. it didnt help. everytime i pull an all nighter i gain this incredible insight. when i am asleep, the world is still happening. the moon travels across the sky and people are are awake eating at dennys and snorting coke. time doesnt take a break. i dont know why its so difficult for me to grasp this-it just is.

i have to be honest: last night was not even remotely fun. i hung out with jordan for the first time in 2 years and smoked with him for the first time in 3 1/2. i eventually met up with miriam, alex, dustin, justin, morgan, et. al...but that was a big borefest. thank god i was still a little coked up. calm down, ill get to that. i also saw mike. he was with his slut at justins with everyone else. i saw him chilling on the couch, and thankfully, from my vantage point i couldnt see her (but i know she was sitting right next to him). i didnt say anything to him. eventually he got up and came over to me. im pretty sure he said "hey jordan" but i was so terribly uncomfy around him that i didnt know how to act. not with our recent odfgjlnghjkjls-i dont know whats going on. but when he said hey im pretty sure i said his name and then pulled out a clean version of patootie (my first pyrex) and showed it to miriam. i didnt even look at him or acknowledge him any further. couldnt. i want to hurt him. i want him to hurt. but i dont. im sick. but that was the last i saw of him that night. we got dragged to dennys and when we got back he was gone. and like a girl, i let my heart break. again.

youd think that being with all those people and hopped up on whatver i could get my hands on, my 4th of july would have been more fun. you would think. read about my coke-adventures in the next entry. i dont wanna make this one uber-long.