word of the day still in action
Sunday, Jun. 27, 2004   8:38 am

where was i? oh yeah...

i have never been blatantly rejected by a guy. except for dylan. but then i was so smitten with him that i didnt believe he didnt want me and by the time i understood he wasnt even gonna just have sex with me, id stopped caring. but nobody has ever said no to me. thats not saying that every guy has wanted me or been anywhere near in love with me-i wish. anyways, i need to hear mike say that he does not and will never help me have a requited love (to see the meaning of this word and its antonym refer to entries from a couple days ago). otherwise i will let this tiny little seed of hope inside me grow and grow until i am convinced the kid wants to grow old and die with me. we dont want that.

well, i have sent him email upon email asking him to call me or stop by. but these emails are unrequited. it breaks my heart that he is ignoring me and i dont know what to do to make him talk to me before he goes to new york or before i go to new mexico. i am so scared of everything being over and not getting a chance to explain my feelings. maybe thats what he wants.

i dont know when he leaves, but i have to talk to him before then. if for anything, at least to say goodbye to one of the best friends i have ever had.