i quit
Friday, Apr. 16, 2004   10:49 am

in 12 hours i wont have a mom anymore. thats how i look at it. well, for the past 5 months i havent had much of one anyway, but she was still there for me to yell at. now, there will be no one.

at 10pm her plane leaves. her and my brother. i havent decided if i will miss them yet. isnt it stupid to say i am going to miss them when they move to new york when they are already almost completely out of my life? just because they are moving vertically across the country shouldnt dictate my amount of missing for them. but it will. i can already tell.

thats why i took the day off and i am at her friends house with her while she packs. we are talking of regular joe stuff, but inside i am screaming at her. the chuckles she hears are sobs inside me. why is she doing this to me? i need someone here for me...i have to go to the doctor and get a physical for college-by myself. i dont want to. i am having all of my tuition bills sent to me. no one else. thats not how its supposed to be. i hate her. but while she is here i will cherish her. because this really is the end. and i am scared that i wont see her for a very long time.

if she doesnt come down for graduation in june, then by the time she moves back to florida, i will already be in new mexico. then when would i see her next? how tall will my little brother be the next time i get to hug him? hes already almost as tall as me and i am 5'8. this is going to be so weird. i am not ready. but i am. i have to be.

why is she doing this to me? is this a test? a game? well, its no fun, and i wanna call quitsies.