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Tuesday, Apr. 13, 2004   11:16 am

sunday night, from work i called mike or dustin (my memory's shot) for some reason or another-with alternative motives for finding out if anything was going down that night-turns out it was. i just wanted to be able to go sleep over mikes house and chill. but no, people were there...again. 3 nights out of 4 people were over. and this time i had no ride. my stomach was still killing me about the whole stupid predicament and i didnt wanna go back to the house. so, i called sheila and told her i wasnt coming home. my plan was to either chill on the beach then walk home or get a hotel room.

i asked michael (front desk guy) how much a room would be and laid down the money, but then, in all my impulsive glory, i begged him to take me to mikes. although it was midnight and wed both just worked long ass shifts, he agreed. but i think it was the crystal meth that agreed. regardless, i showed up at the house at 12:30.

the whole thing was stupid. after the first night nobody was wasted (except me-shh) and they spent their time watching movies and playing scrabble. thankfully someone came up with the idea to break into some old bowling alley. that was cool. it was like they just said the place was closed, boarded everything up, and walked away. everything was still inside. pins, balls, shoes, liquor at the bar, everything. even the elctricity was still on. the last time they were open, from the evidence we found, was new year's 2000. we got back to the house around 5. just me and mike.

we showered (individually) and slowly fell asleep-but not for long. alexis, mikes old flame and my best friend from middle school, called and said she was coming before 8. he wanted to take me home. i refused. for some reason i wanted to stick around. i knew itd be awkward for all of us, but im just difficult like that. she came, i "slept". i didnt want to go into the living room with them. this huge thunderstorm "woke me up" and i decided to make my cameo in the living room, followed by a frolicking in the storm of the century.

when i came back, soaking wet in a white t-shirt, i spent the next hour or more in the laundry room while my pants and underwear dried. i heard bits of their conversation-which had taken a serious turn-and i wanted to disappear. as soon as the dryer buzzed i got dressed and said bye. i havent talked to him since-except to see if he had my dustins greatest hits cds. i realized that hed never gotten over alexis and that he doesnt need all this added drama in his life. especially considering him and cari arent completely finished either. then theres college.

i got into the college of santa fe in NM and school starts 8/19. so why start something now? hes going to mass. and yeah. no relationships right now. just sex. oh, i dont know if i wrote about sat. night in here, and my romp with the guy whose name i dont remember but, i wrote about it in monstrathart. i dont know if i mentioned it there, but it was good. as much as id like to deny and forget it.