sincerely, confused
Friday, Apr. 09, 2004   1:04 pm

okay, yah im back. i am not going to delve too much further into details, i just want to iterate (is that a word-not reiterate) how confused i am about all this. mike was sober. why would he kiss me? he likes car-i. he is alwyays letting me know in some way or another that he likes her. i want him to like me, although i could never picture the 2 of us as anything. i think it is just my want/need to feel wanted/needed by someone of the opposite sex.

this is all my fathers fault.

so, i dont know what to do now. are we going to go the rest of our lives pretending that 4:30 am, April 9, 2004 never happened? can we do that? i dont want to. i want to know what he is feeling. what does he want. a great deal of me though, believes that he was just being a teenage guy in bed with a teenage girl. that part of me is sad. i dont know what to do. i dont want to bring it up though. what would i say? he is wierd. he is the wierdest person i have ever met. although i consider him one of my best friends, i know almost nothing about his past or his home life. in 7 years i have never met his family. just 2 days ago i met his younger sister and today i met his older one. he didnt tell me he went to see pepper wednesday night. i found out this morning. hes wierd. our friendship is wierd. so, i wouldnt know how to go about this whole kiss thing.

if anyone out there knows how to handle kissing your best friend when you are half drunk and they are sober and currently involved with one of your other friends, holla. please. im buggin.