to let go or not to let go...help!!!
Monday, Mar. 01, 2004   9:14 pm

whats wrong with me? why can i not get this boy out of my head? i have had no contact with him since november, i havent seen his since jan. 03, 2003. so why cant i get over this?

i know why. because i love him more than i can possibly explain in words. and i want to call him. thats definitely possible. but do i really want to be that pathetic? he hasnt called me. he hasnt emailed me. can i put myself out there like that? am i willing to appear to be the girlfriend who cant move on?

i can move on. i have moved on. i am just so scared to admit that he isnt anything in my life anymore. i refuse to do that. i do. he was my happy for so long. so should i call him? i am 18! why am i acting like im not? why am i acting like im 14 or something. is this the way grown-ups act? i hope not.

if anyone has the time/patience to go back and read my old entries about hector, please do. and then tell me what i should do. what if he thinks i am a crazed stalker? what if he wants to talk to me too? what if he has a girlfriend? what if she answers the phone? what if i never talk to him again?