my boyfriend
Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003   11:26 am

so much has changed since the last real entry. i quit winn-dixie, i have forgotten about tito (he's gone), and i have a new boyfriend. when it comes to nate, we are done for now too. and i think forever-even if this new relationship doesn't work out. it feels wierd now. the last time we "chilled" was aug. 25: the first day of school. it was wierd. well, for me it was. since then he has called me like 3 times. which is incredible-considering he has never been the one to call me before and i always call him. i have lost all anything for him when it comes to feelings.

my summer was absolutely amazing. it was fun, free, and grreat. i went to like 3 concerts in one week with over 30 bands. i was out all night every night doing whatever i wanted with whomever i wanted (mostly cari and adelaine). i was free. i was broke, but free.

and, as of last saturday night, i have a new boyfriend. he is a guy from my past with shan. in 9th grade we talked to him online a lot and stalked him at Church's Chicken on the weekends. we stopped talking to him for a while after we got in trouble and we heard that he got questioned for selling us ecstasty. but shan started talking to him again and a little more when she found out he broke up with his girlfriend (of 3 years). then, the first time she hung out with him i made her invite me too. and from there he and i hit it off. she and i were in a bit of a competition for him and we made rules and everything. but he and i chilled more than him and her did. and we grew to like each other. last saturday night we took some ecstasy together on hollywood/dania beach. it was amazing. we were half naked and rolling. in the shower. with 9 people watching us. it was great. and he asked me out. we spent that whole weekend together. the night before he took to an abandoned insane asylum and the day after we went the beach and the movies. it was great and every day i have spent with him (both of them!) has been equally as great. last night he came over to watch some Family Guy and ended up on my bed for a whole 6 hours. laying with him-in his arms-is incredible. i didnt think i could ever just sit for 6 hours watching a cartoon....with him i can. it was great. i felt warm and safe and happy. then, i think about shan.

shannon and i have always equally liked this guy and equally wanted him. now i have him and she hates me. not hates me, but feels so betrayed by me. which i would too. but i cannot help it. guys like him do not flock to me daily. i don't shoo them off of me. i didn't even know people like him existed. and he likes me? how can i turn that kind of thing down? i need it. it makes me so happy. he makes me so happy. and she feels alone. she has no one to talk to about this all. it would ordinarily be me, but not this time. i don't know what i could say to her to make her want to talk to me again. the only thing i can think of is: i broke up with glen-he's all yours. NO! i would die to have to do that! gosh! no. there has to be some other way. really-there must. she wants to love me again. isn't that a start? yeah. we need each other to survive. but there has to be something i am willing to do for her. but i cannot think of it. she says that just hearing my voice reminds her that we are together, and she cannot stand that. so, i am at a loss for words. well, obviously not if you are looking at the length of this entry.

well, i am done. i do not know what to do here and all i am doing is dancing around in circles. so...yeah. i love glen

ps....when is he going to tell me he loves me? usually guys only last for a week before they give in to me. well, it has yet to be a week, so there is still hope. i am going to read my old journal entries from 9th grade to see what i wrote about good old glen. my boyfriend.