ethiur
Wednesday, May. 28, 2003   11:57 am

i think nate is history. i am not really sure. he doesn't call me and i do not want to seem desperate so i don't call him either. and our work contact is very limited lately, so i think our time is done. oh well. i hope it will come back though. i really do like him and i don't think i will stop anytime soon.

i have a new person to fill the lack of nate gap though. tito. yep...tito. i do not really understand how it happened. one minute i was starimg at him in frozen food, the next we are talking by the bathrooms, then we are making out in his car in my driveway, then i am lying next to his sweaty, worn out naked body in my bed. this all happened within probably 12 or 13 hours? something like that. he has worked at the store for about 7 months now and i have always kinda checked him out. i mean, he's cute. short, but a cutie. i never thought anything of it or expected anything from it. but wow. he's moving though. friday morning i believe. moving to philadelphia. on his last day of work-i think monday-he gave me his name tag to remember him by. that was really the sweetest thing anyone has ever given me. ever. when i left, i left smiling and clutching the name tag. i am not sure why though. i am not in love with the guy. i am not even in like with him. it was just such a sweet gesture that i couldn't help it. then....a light bulb began going crazy in my head and i kept hearing the same 4 words repeating themselves up there: take me with you. i don't know why. why not? it was perfect. i called him from a pay phone as soon as i was sure and i told him to come to my house after work-i had to talk to him.

when he showed up, i still wanted to go through with it. seriously, why not? what do i have going for me here? my GPA is down to like a 2 something. i have 3 months of summer ahead of me giving plenty of time to go, have my kicks, and come back in time for school. i hate my mother and this would drive her crazy right? it was the right thing to do. so, he came, and i said it: i want to go with you. for a second his face was blank. go where? i just stared at him. then i said it again: i want to go with you. he understood. we talked about it-for half an hour we talked about it (and made out). we decided that i couldn't go up right now. i should wait for him to get an apartment and to settle stuff with his ex and his son (yeah, 3 year old son). he told me he would love to have me with him. and he wished i could go now, but it wouldn't be good for me. he said if i went he wanted it to be about me and us. i was really bummed because i was all prepared to run away with this man (26) but i was really relieved too because he didn't say no. he didn't laugh at me or think i was some crazy little teenager. he wanted to be with me too. so, that's the plan. for me to chill for a little while, then when he is ready, he will come back down and get me and we will drive up together. it will be fun. more later. peace