hollow
Thursday, Mar. 13, 2003   12:33 pm

I feel so alone. i dont know if i wrote this in my last entry, but this feeling persists, and i dont know what to do. and nobody is here to help me. i cant help feeling as if i have no friends. miriam is only my friend when it is most convenient for her, adelaine is quickly becoming more disconnected from me as i from her. i feel like if we dont live next to each other, then there is no point. if i cant see my best friend every day and be a part of her life, then i cant bear to remain her friend.

last nite i was talking to her on the phone (which i hate because its the only way we communicate now) and i kept crying. she didnt know. i kept crying because as she was telling me all her stories, i was watching her drift further and further from me. beginning another life that didnt include me. i think the only reason she calls me is so i dont get angry with her. i dont want her calls to be pity calls, and i dont want to talk to her if i cant see her. i hate it. i kept hearing her family and her mom said hi, and susanna said hi, and they used to not have to say hi, because i was always at their house. evrything is making me so sad.

i am afraid my mom is dying. i am so afraid she is dying.