moving
Tuesday, Feb. 18, 2003   11:00 am

We're moving. again. why? because my mother can't manage to pay the rent. so, we've been evicted. i have lost track of how many times we have been thrown out of our home. several. too many. it sickens me. i hate moving. it makes me so sad. i feel like my life is going to change really big, and whenever my life does that it is rarely for the better. oy. i hate moving.

i think mateo is mad at me. or at least annoyed by me. i dunno. i started talking to this kid after i got his screen name from shannon. then i called him. now, every day/night for at least a week i've spent at least an hour talking to him. he is really cool and i really like him. not really really, but i do like him. i don't know. he is super hilarious. he's got such a great sense of humor. he is smart too-but not like genius-dork smart. i wouldn't like that. and in the pictures i have seen of him, he is really cute. he's short though. but thats okay because i doubt if i will meet him. he lives kinda close (closer than alaska) but nah.

last night, after loading all the heavy stuff into the truck and taking mike home, jerry came and chilled with me in my room. i really cannot believe i ever had a crush on that kid! really. i don't know what it was. anyways....in my room all we really talked about was sex. i like talking about it and all, but this kid just constantly brags about himself. he loves himself so much. it's gross. he has way too much confidence. i don't know how you have too much confidence, but he manages. it was pissing me off. apparently, like every chick he fucks he hurts her. she has to beg him to stop and not stick it in so far. and apparently (allegedly-whatever) he can go for two hours and can make any girl have an orgasm. sometimes he doesnt even get time to finish. whatever. not like its impossible, i just do not see it coming from him. and then, he got into this whole nasty conversation about the acne on his back and his arms or something. ew? yeah. thank god i had stuff to do to make me look busy. that way i didn't have to just sit down and talk to him the whole time. i think he stayed for like almost 2 hours. 2 hours in my room alone with jerry, mommy sleeping, condoms hidnig in my room everywhere...2 or 3 years ago that would have been such a dream come true. my heart would be racing and my palms would be sweating the whole friggin time. but last nite, i just wanted him to go. the only good that came of it, i think, was i got him to trust me more. i think when he initially came over he thought i was some little snitch who was a suck up to mommy and his big sister. when mike went to say soemthing about kip getting his brother incarcerated for 15 years, jerry was like, "Man, don't tell her that. Keep it to yourself." so, mike didn't tell me. i was really pissed at jerry for underestimating me like that, but eventually, he opened up, i guess. lalalalalalalalalalalala...i'm bored.

shannon isnt here, and the only thing i have to do is school work which i really do not want to do. damn it. why does my life suck so much?

wow, what a boring entry. sorry.