#2
Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2002   9:11 am

9:11 isnt really the right time, but i can't change it cuz this stupid puter won't let me. it's really 8:43. I feel so sick. Inside and out. Like physically and mentally.

I wonder if anyone gets the feeling they are about to throw up whenever they eat. Am i the only one? its soo gross, i totally lose my appetite and i dont know why. oh well, my only excuse is that im a teenager and we're weird.

I really have no idea what to write in here, but i love to type! so la di da di da! i'd complain about jordan, but there is just so much i can say, but its all so redundant. so i'll just not do that.

Why is my life so full of choices? Sometimes i wish i lived in cuba or something, where i did not have any liberties. with all of these choices im given, i can never make a choice. if i was told i HAVE TO go to BCC then i'd go. that'd be the end of it. but no, i have a choice which is sooo difficult. my whole life will be changed. i would be leaving high school. no prom, grad nite, graduation! but i could get into CSULB with more ease. i dont fucking know! i want to be forced to go or forced not to go. i want someone else to make this decision for me. i can't do it. its too hard.

i dont really know what else i can say. i am soo miserable and depressed. but i am happy being depressed. does that make sense? i'm more @ home when i feel mellon collie. everything just feels rite. when i am depressed. i sometimes hate to smile or be happy, its gets annoying. i think i'd rather wallow.

ok, well, math tests don't do themselves, so bye. im dead.